9 December-2024
Newsletter #1
I realize that we live in a secular culture where the talk of God or a Higher Power in most circles may be frowned upon. This is not the case in the rooms of Sobriety. However, all alcoholics and addicts are most welcome in these rooms whether they believe in a Higher Power or not. Actually, my experience has shown me that the majority of people who attempt sobriety the first time enter either as fallen away believers, agnostics, or atheists. Many just entering and attempting to get sober say, “F!#*k God.
If these people stay sober long enough, time passes, and they develop a personal relationship with a Higher Power. Initially, it may be a tree, their pet dog, or the people in the rooms. However, I’ve witnessed about 90% of the sober folks I know eventually call Him/Her… God or just my Higher Power.
Now, to begin this short story, each reader needs to know something about me, your author. I attended Catholic Schools from first grade through college graduation—that’s sixteen years! I was also studying to be a priest in the Archdiocese of Philly. Thus, I believed I knew a lot about God. Yep, between nuns, Christian Brothers, and the priests who taught me, I knew a lot—or I thought I did.
Here goes… The Story…
I’m about three months sober in the Autumn of 1997. My first sponsor in the rooms of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) was a Philly Cop named Chuck (not his real name). Now, a sponsor is someone you ask to take you through the 12 steps of AA, a mentor, and hopefully someday, a friend. More on sponsorship in another newsletter.
At this three-month point in my sobriety, Chuck had me studying Step 3, which states, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.”
Now, I do not consider myself an arrogant person at all. However, no one I know has ever used the words humble or humility in a sentence with my full name. As this newsletter title says, Progress…NOT…Perfection.
One night, Chuck and I are at the same AA meeting in the suburbs of Philly, and he tells me to go home and study in the AA Big Book, the section on Step 3. I roll my eyes because I already know a lot about God. But, I was told to follow instructions from my sponsor, and I did this. Two nights later, we’re at the same meeting again, and during the break, he asks, “Well, George, what did you get out of the reading?”
Now, as I said, Chuck was a Philly cop who was heading to retirement but was still a cop. He is tough as nails and takes no prisoners when he says something. But I held my ground, looked at him, and said, “Chuck, I already told you I know a great deal about God. Christmas Chuck! I was in the seminary studying philosophy and theology. I know a lot of shit about God! (I still remember saying those exact words).
Chuck then looked directly into my eyes with his “cop” eyes and asked me, “George, do you know the difference between you and God?” Of course, I did! But I wanted to hear Chuck’s answer, so I answered, “No.”
His answer dripped with irony, “God didn’t wake up this morning thinkin’ He was George!”
Chuck then turned around, walked away, and did not say another word. I was left with my jaw on the floor, wondering, “Where the hell did he come up with that?” I have a Master’s Degree and have never heard such wisdom. AND… you don’t have to be in recovery to learn that lesson.
How often did I wake up thinking I had all the answers to life’s questions? I’m a smart dude. I have nineteen years of formal education—a Master’s Degree!
How arrogant does that sound to my ears and maybe to yours?
That night, I felt “humiliated.” What Chuck said to me hurt. But getting sober is a raw experience, and I was just beginning the journey. Twenty-seven years later, I still have some arrogance within me. It’s a defect of character…but you know what? It keeps me humble when I stumble!
I don’t think I’ll ever be humble. Progress…NOT…Perfection.
Chuck is no longer my sponsor, but still a friend. We’ve crossed paths a few times in and out of the rooms of sobriety. And yes, he still reminds me, “God didn’t wake up this morning thinkin’ He was George!”
Did you know?
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), approximately 15 million people in the United States, about 6% of all adults 18 years and older, are alcoholics. That number increases to over 28 million when you look at all drinkers 12 years and older!
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) reports that drunk driving fatalities account for 31% of all fatal car accidents in the United States.
About 88,000 people die of alcohol-related causes every year in the United States.
Only 2 million claim to be members of Alcoholics Anonymous, or just 13%.
A Spiritual Awakening
For those of you unaware, we talk about a Spiritual Awakening in Step 11 while getting sober. However, I’m making it part of this newsletter every other Monday. I want to think this newsletter will be quite profound (my arrogance is kicking in). However, in the rooms of Sobriety, we hear many an old-timer (like me, now) say…
“Keep it simple.”
Today, when some people hear me speak of God or a higher power at a meeting or in a casual conversation, they say I sound “heartfelt.” Here’s where a dose of “humility” comes in. As noted above in the Newsletter story, I knew a lot about God! Yet, I can look back over all these years and say, “God lived in my head. God did NOT live in my heart” for at least the first 10 years of being sober. Intellectually, I believed in the Creator of the Universe. Heck, I have to believe that all of this did not just “happen.”
Why did it take 10 years? Well, there was no way that any God or Higher Power could truly LOVE me, the alcoholic that I was and still am. And I also knew intellectually that for me to LOVE others, I had to love myself, which was NEVER going to happen. Never!
Then, in 2007, while vacationing in France with my wife and standing in the waters of the English Channel on Omaha Beach, I had an epiphany. My soul was touched as I looked out over the Channel toward England with tears in my eyes. It’s difficult to explain the feeling that God “touched” me, but that is how I felt. Those boys who died on the 6th of June 1944 surrounded me that day, and I knew there was a God who loved me and all those boys. I have heard many times that “Freedom Isn’t Free.” That day, I felt it.
Now, for some of you, or maybe many of you, that makes no sense at all… but it does to me.
In this year, 2024, I believe I am worth loving, and yes, I love who I’ve become. Do I still screw up? You betcha! The difference is that I know how to ask for forgiveness and forgive myself.
How about you?
Odds and Ends + Other Stuff!
Please scroll down and leave a comment if you enjoyed this Newsletter or if you did not. As noted above, I plan to do this every other Monday, barring any of the hiccups of life that are thrown my way.
As many know, I’m also an author. My second book of the Trilogy, The Judas Tree, is now available on Amazon. This week, the Kindle version of Book 1 is only 99 cents—a great gift for your family and friends. Book 2 Kindle Version, as you’ll see, will sell for 99 cents next week, the week of December 15th.
Lastly, my first book, “Is Anybody There? Memoir of a “Functional Alcoholic” will also go on sale tomorrow, December 10, Kindle Version, for 99 cents for one week.
All my books are available in paperback and hardback versions and you can check them out on my website.
Click Here For: DeFrehn’s Website
Here’s the link!
Click Here For: DeFrehn’s Books!
See you all on December 23, 2024!
Peace!
12 thoughts on ““George, do you know the difference between you and God?” (Autumn 1997)”
George,that’s a great number 27 yrs, you’re so humble! Some addicts I know can’t get 27 min, they are the unfortunate people,they stumble every minute of there broken lives!George, would you ever try a spiritual director as a guide into your relatonsship with your God, it may be helpful on your journey. Personally I was involved with a group of men on a spiritual journey for some years, Our spiritual director’s first book was a God sent for me. Give it a read big guy! Falling Upward! Richard Rohr! Enjoy my friend! Peace to you and your Family! Luv u
J: I’ve read books by Rohr. I will get this one, too. Love to you and your entire family. Merry Christmas!
Hi George, The way you share your life’s story, while drinking, while sober, and with the Lord, is a great gift. Your gift to the world. And to me. Many thanks. Sending prayers and love your way and to your family. Peace. Bill Mattia
Bill: Love to you, Denise, and your family! I’m sooooooooo flawed I have much to share :)…
Peace and Merry Christmas.
George
George, Appreciate your honesty and thoughts. You gave me several things to chew on. Sure, I know a lot about God … but … That is what gets in MY WAY ! Be well. Fellows on the road of recovery one day at a time. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Joe D
Joe: Me too. Knowledge gets in the way of me listening to my heart… to God! Peace my brother. I pray you are well. Hang in.
George
Have missed you George over the months and grateful that you’re back to sharing your experience, strength and hope!! You have something to say and I’m listening!
Bless you and your beautiful Family!
Mike M.
Mike: Missed ya a bunch, too. Hope all is well. Love to you and your family. Peacefilled Christmas, too.!
Love ya.
G
George – I wish you luck with this new initiative ….. you are off to a great start & will definitely cause many readers to pause and “say what?” … from the heart & with honesty.
Hank: Thanks for your comment. Maybe I should have a section titled “Say what?”…
Merry Christmas to you and Rita and your family!!
Peace
G
George, I’ve enjoyed your first two books! I can’t say that I believe to know a lot about God, however I do have a strong belief that he/she guides me especially when I ask and pray for guidance, then I wait and I listen and pay attention so I do not miss his/her guidance.. I suppose that is why our higher power gives us two ears and two eyes (if we are fortunate) and only one mouth. Keep writing George, we want to listen. Peace back to all
Mike:
Thanks for your comment. You’re a good man and I consider you a brother. And yes… let’s keep listening for He/She will never lead us astray.
Peace.
Georgie